Posts (page 2)

Last night I dreamed that some girl I knew in high school and Michael Phelps were heading up to Dallas for Easter. For some reason I had the impression that I was invited to come along, but after helping them load tons of luggage into an SUV they said, ok, well bye! See you Monday! I was like, but? I thought you guys asked me over here because I was invited to come along? Then I got all teary eyed and Michael Phelps rolled his eyes at me like I was just trying to guilt trip them or something, but I was actually very confused. I said...but I've already got my bag packed. You saw me come in with it! But they waited till after I loaded up their truck to tell me I couldn't come along. Well fuck you, too, Phelps and random person from high school!

I also dreamed that I was on the Oxford rowboat team thingy that rows against Cambridge. Our team was afraid we'd get disqualified because our coxswain was deformed. His head was attached to his body backwards which gave us an advantage, he could act as coxswain and row at the same time. We lost the race anyway.

I also had some dream about Cicero, where he was giving me advice over dinner about something but I woke up in the middle of it because I had to pee, so I don't remember what he said.

Last night I dreamed that Spike from the Buffy show hugged me. A friend of mine and I went to his house to borrow something, and he hugged me the whole time we were there. His house was really messy and he wore a purple bathrobe. Nothing untoward occurred: only a long, sweet hug.

Spike

dreamy Joaquin

Last night I dreamed that I was hanging out in my current apartment with my mom, Joaquin Phoenix, and someone else, I'm not sure who. The other dude was short, pudgy, and bald. I think he was a friend of my mom's.

It was the middle of the night, and no lights were on, just the moonlight coming in the open window. I got up out of bed needing to pee and came upon the others still hanging out in my living room. My mom was napping on the couch, and Joaquin sat at my computer trying to help the pudgy guy remember who he is. He listed a bunch of movies, then recommended that the guy watch Clay Pigeons and Velvelt Goldmine because those are his best films. I agreed that Velvet Goldmine is fantastic. I made no comment about Clay Pigeons and wondered why he didn't mention Quills instead. Or even Gladiator for fuck's sake! I told the pudgy dude that Velvet Goldmine stars Christian Bale, Ewan McGregor, and Joaquin Phoenix, but it in fact does not. It's Jonathan Rhys Meyers, not Joaquin. DUH, Sleeping Christi.

So I decided to stay up and hang out. It was Friday, so why not, I says. I took one of my mom's Virginia Slims to smoke on the patio and asked Joaquin if he cared to join me, and he said he'd be out in a minute. He and that other guy were busy trying to find the Velvet Goldmine on Netflix on demand. They only found something called Velvet Goldmine 2 which looked like some awful, straight to DVD kind of crap.

I went outside, lit up, and looked at the sky. I saw through the trees the biggest brightest and most stars I've ever seen. I crouched to get a better view through the branches and saw the most detailed version of Orion ever. Like thousands of stars traced his whole self and even detailed his clothing and his bow and arrows and facial features. The moon was the buckle of his belt. All the stars looked like balls of orange fire.

Joaquin stuck his head out the sliding glass door and laughed asked me what on earth was I doing crouching like that. What do you see? He said.

I said, I see Orion and....EEEEK the apartments are on fire!!!

And surely they were. My roof was in flames!

We all ran downstairs and as far as we could get from the building. In my dream there was a giant field around the apartments, and a highway nearby. The apartments burned up pretty quickly and I thought of my cats with a pang that I had to repress at the moment. I couldn't go back for them.

I said out loud they were the only thing I'd miss out of all my possessions. Joaquin said, what about all your pictures? I said I have them stored online. I'll just download them someplace else. Nothing's material anymore. Then I threw myself into his arms in the guise of needing comforting because I was scared, when really I was just taking advantage of the situation to cop a feel. He laughed and said awwww and let me nuzzle his cheek.

AND THEN I WOKE UP. 

The night before yesterday I dreamed that I got drunk with Bob Dylan and we went up on his roof and I danced around in a bikini while he fired a shotgun in the air and yelled "I'm Bob Dylan!"

Bob Dylan

The other night I dreamed that my friends and I found a place that was a bowling alley full of slot machines. Class! We loved the place, but the slots only paid in random coins. It was kind of like getting change out of a vending machine. At one point I won so many coins I had to catch them in my shirt. I think it was like 10 bucks in nickels and quarters.

I dreamed I had a connecting flight in Dallas. My plane landed at 7:30 pm and my next flight took off at 7:40! And we landed in terminal A but I needed to depart from terminal D!! I ran to the Skylink but it wasn't working. So I ran and ran down some dirty shady halls, and one part was just encased in glass and the Dallasites below took potshots at people. Like there was gunfire, man. I was dodging bullets, but I was going to make that flight, by golly. But then I didn't. I missed it. I missed my flight! And when I headed to the counter to put myself on a standby list, Simon Pegg butted in front of me and got on the list first. Nevertheless, I was seated in First Class on the next flight. It was decorated in orange and purple, and the seats were just mod square cushions. It was pretty sweet.

ran into S by the dumpsters, he offered me a ride home
seals in the river, otters. driver looked at them and nearly sideswiped a car. after awhile I was like, where are we going? he said plano. I said, well, you know, I live in austin...I guess I can catch a flight back
then we got on a bus right after leaving town. he sat next to a couple, I had two seats to myself across from them. he started looking around and gagging like he was going to puke. he leaned over that couple and they made EW faces which was really funny. finally he jumped over to my seats and found his laptop bag and puked into it next to me. I politely looked away, and had to plug my ears because the sound of puke makes me puke
later Gul Dukat joined the ride. it was like we were already friends, so we talked a little bit. he called his kids to tell them he was on a bus home but wouldn't get in until late. I wondered if he was going to try to put the moves on me. I wondered if I would go for it, because I am such a hard core trekkie. I would rather he put the moves on me instead of that other dude. after a pit stop I ended up sitting behind him, and the other dude was gone. we'd been on that bus all night and the sun was coming up. I kept singing songs to myself about DS9 but he couldn't hear me. i was amused nonetheless. I leaned forward to sing a little ditty in his ear and I noticed he was smoking on the bus. i was like, can you do that?! he said sure, and I looked around and sure enough everyone else was smoking, too. he gave me one and I smoked along. then the bus stopped and a ticket taker got on. Dukat grabbed my cigarette and put it out really quickly. I guess we weren't really supposed to be smoking in there. the ticket guy said everyone needed to pay a fair in the form of two checks. some guy got up and ran out the back of the bus. some older blonde woman who sounded like she'd been smoking for 50 years said, I ain't paying it. I already paid. The dude left and the ride continued. I started to wonder where the eff we were going. I looked to my left and saw Winehouse. I said, Amy, where is this bus going? She said Springfield. I said, what state? she didnt' know. that guy who got up and tried to run out the bus earlier said Missouri. I was like, man. I need to get off this bus. Then amy said, I wanna sing! I forgot how much better a friend booze is than water. I was like, amen sister. Then I woke up.

Last night I dreamed that I had a Collie dog that could talk in that weird howly voice creepy dogs use when they sound like they're saying human words. My collie could say the words "collie" and "McDonalds."

I dreamed the other night that I was driving down the road when a tornado formed really quickly and very close by. There wasn't time to think, take cover, or drive away or anything. That sucker came out of nowhere and hurled my car about 50 ft across the road and land until it crashed against a tree, headlights to the ground and tail lights in the air and the top smashed in and pinning me. My car immediately started filling with dirt, tons of fast dirt, like what happened to Lois Lane in that Superman movie where he turns the earth backwards to bring her back to life. I woke up right before I died, but let me tell you something right the hell now. That was fucking scary. I had no idea what to do. I was drowning in dirt, but where the eff was I supposed to go? I was injured anyway, covered in blood and so on, and I couldn't feel my limbs. My right arm wouldn't work so I think it was broken, but the overwhelming terror numbed the pain.

What was I supposed to do?! Even if I got out of the car, the flying debris and the, oh, tornado, would tear me apart. Stay inside, and I drown. Checkmate!